Couples therapy can be a transformative tool for strengthening relationships and fostering personal growth.
Truly transformative couples therapy can heal your inner child, and resolve decades old trauma. It can heal trauma that even existed prior to your relationship.
However, it is important to recognize that the experiences of queer people of color (QPOC) within couples therapy may differ due to intersecting identities and unique challenges. As queer affirming couples therapists, I want us to explore three specific considerations that can help ensure a truly welcoming and affirming couples therapy experience for QPOC individuals and their partners. (No “safe space” stickers here!)
Cultivating Cultural Competence as a Couples Therapist
One of the most critical considerations in couples therapy for QPOC is the cultivation of cultural competence by therapists. Cultural competence involves an innate and. intuitive understanding of someone’s experience.
No, it’s not a requirement for therapists to share identities or experiences with their clients.
Yes, it makes a huge difference when we understand the minutiae of another person’s life, diverse experiences, values, and perspectives.
Since society in general - and the field of therapy specifically - are normalized on one specific group of people, it’s imperative that all therapists check ourselves to make sure we are centering our clients and their culture.
A culturally competent therapist acknowledges the impact of intersectionality, recognizing that the experiences of QPOC individuals are shaped by race, sexuality, classism, ableism, and multiple other power structures and dynamics that may go unseen to the untrained eye.
By the way, this is the foundation of Feminist Therapy, which all of our therapists practice.
To foster inclusivity, therapists should actively educate themselves about the unique challenges faced by QPOC individuals, even if we share the same identities. As we know, lived experience does not preclude us from causing harm. This involves staying updated on current research, attending cultural competency trainings, and seeking supervision or consultation from professionals with expertise in serving QPOC clients. By doing so, therapists can create a safe and validating space for QPOC couples, where they feel understood, valued, and free to express their authentic selves.
By doing this work, a therapist can model to a partner what it looks like to truly validate their partner, as well as create trust and help regulate the couple’s nervous system. This is work that is done before any “homework assignments” or “trust falls” take place. (We don’t do trust falls, by the way.)
Addressing Internalized Oppression and Intersectional Stress For Queer People of Color in Couples Therapy
QPOC individuals often face unique sources of stress related to their intersecting identities. Couples therapy should provide a supportive environment for exploring and addressing internalized oppression and intersectional stress. Internalized oppression refers to the negative beliefs and attitudes that QPOC individuals may internalize due to societal discrimination, which can impact their self-esteem and relationships.
A skilled therapist will create space for honest and open conversations about the impact of racism, homophobia, and transphobia on a couple's dynamics. By acknowledging and validating these experiences, therapists can help QPOC couples navigate the challenges that arise from external oppression. Additionally, therapists may guide couples in developing coping strategies and resilience-building techniques to mitigate the effects of intersectional stress.
This is especially helpful for couples of mixed ethnicities or mixed orientations. By helping one partner find their voice and also helping another partner embody empathy through understanding and validation, the therapist can generate a healing dynamic that exists even after sessions are over.
Embracing Intersectionality within Relationship Dynamics in couples therapy
Intersectionality plays a pivotal role in shaping relationship dynamics within QPOC couples. Couples therapy should acknowledge and embrace the unique ways in which race, gender, and sexual orientation intersect within the relationship. By doing so, therapists can help QPOC couples explore how their identities influence their communication, power dynamics, and intimacy.
Therapists love to say we facilitate open and non-judgmental discussions about the ways in which societal oppression impacts the couple's relationship. But what does this look like in practice? Who is going to call out the problematic behaviors of one or another partner? We need to have the courage to hear our clients whose voices may be quieted as a result of trauma.
This may involve exploring how racial stereotypes, cultural expectations, or internalized biases affect their interactions. It also involves not hiding behind oppression or labels in order to excuse certain behaviors.
By addressing these dynamics, therapists can support QPOC couples in cultivating healthier, more equitable relationships.
How is couples therapy with QPOC couples different?
Couples therapy can be an empowering and transformative experience for QPOC individuals and their partners. By considering the unique challenges faced by QPOC couples, therapists can transform the lives and experiences of their clients - if they have the guts to do so.
Cultivating cultural competence, addressing internalized oppression and intersectional stress, and embracing intersectionality in relationship dynamics are three critical considerations for therapists working with QPOC couples. By integrating these considerations into their practice, therapists can help QPOC couples navigate the complexities of their identities, foster healthier relationships, and promote overall well-being.
Remember, if you or your partner identify as a QPOC individual and are seeking couples therapy, it is essential to find a therapist who values diversity and demonstrates cultural competency. Your relationship deserves support and understanding, and with the right therapist, you can embark on a transformative journey toward healing and growth.
Read more about Couples Therapy here.